A BEVY OF lasses was engaged by Intel to make sure we all knew where we were going for lunch.

The media needs telling where to go and what to do and so it was quite easy to follow the signs and be treated to demonstrations of things like wireless HDTV, some of which don't seem to be quite ready.

We all did as we were told, and dutifully trooped around watching carefully as the staff adjusted the hemlines of the tables in case a guest should drink too much orange juice and trip up.

We got chatting. Apparently Mr Rattner is ill, so he won't make day zero, a term he coined. A hack told us he was lined up to speak to an Intel spokesperson tomorrow. But he was told the spokesperson was not authorised to answer all of his questions. He said: "Mike, who do you think the spokesperson is?" I said Pat Gelsinger. He said: "You're right!" How come Kicking Pat got such elevation in rank, we wonder.

By the way, you can also get beer at the lunch if you ask the bossy girls very nicely, and you are presented with an expense receipt which says the beer is duty free with an "Official Customer" receipt. We looked for an "Unofficial Customer" receipt in vain.

Not bad. A little bottle of Tsing Tao costs 46 yuan, which is about 12 times as expensive as it is in the equivalent of 711 across the road, but at least you don't have to drink it out of a brown paper bag in the park opposite.

David Dickstein from Intel came up to us and said: "Mike, apparently you've got The List." We didn't have a clue what he was talking about, so tried to sell Ashlee V from the Rogister this "List" for 600 quid. He said he didn't have a budget. I tried to sell it to myself, but I am a freelance so I don't have a budget either. What is The List?

This is a scene showing the media milling about, sort of.